How would you rate my writing, 1-10?

I give it an 8/9. The writing style was great and easy to follow. The only thing is that the snippet storyline didn't seem to follow. Without knowing a little more background of the story it seems that you are portraying an emotional man. Which is fine, but the jump from him swearing and wanting to bash his father's skull in to a little child sobbing in his girlfriends arms is a stretch. Men are not, in my experience, susceptible to these kinds of fantastic mood swings. There is nothing more irritating, to me as a male reader then an author portraying characteristics onto a character that do not follow reality. If he is an angry character, keep him angry in the story. If he is in touch with his sensitive emotions, do not try to make him an angry character. Hope it helps. :)